im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
