So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
