In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
