you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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