My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
