STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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