watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
