my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
