If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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