I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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