the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
