so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
