IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
