guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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