Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
