i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
