So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
