Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
