She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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