I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
