Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
