I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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