the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
high people should be assigned attendants
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
