I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
