the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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