Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
