my mouth tastes like poor choices
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
handjob tips. give me some.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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