3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
