I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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