Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
