He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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