Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
