All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
