Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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