just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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