well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
