Pants 0. Shit 1.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
