If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
