Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
