No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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