So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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