there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
