i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
