there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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