At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
