If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
