so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
50% drunk capacity currently
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
