I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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