Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
