I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
