so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
