Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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