I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
