all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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