people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
